SQLRET ($SQLRET)
Finally: A Crypto That Actually Audits the Blockchain!
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Elon Musk@elonmusk
JUST IN: Treasury admits their database runs on Excel 95
SELECT * FROM financial_records WHERE deleted = 1 → 50B rows 😱
Time to JOIN the $SQLRET revolution! 🚀🚀
💸 $50B/yr Fraud Prevention
We run DAILY JOIN operations against death records
DELETE FROM payments WHERE recipient IN (SELECT ssn FROM graveyard);
🔐 SSN Validation
Real-time CHECK constraints on social security numbers
ALTER TABLE citizens ADD CONSTRAINT ssn_unique UNIQUE (ssn);
The Government's Database Sucks Because:
- 🕳️ No PRIMARY KEY on SSN column
- 💀 2.3M payments to DEAD PEOPLE (literally LEFT JOIN cemetery)
- 📉 0 (ZERO) database indexes on payment tables
- 📜 Using MyISAM instead of InnoDB (no transactions!)
We Solved Web3 By:
CREATE TABLE honest_blockchain (
txn_id SERIAL PRIMARY KEY,
rationale TEXT NOT NULL CHECK(rationale != ''),
fraud_score INT DEFAULT 0,
CHECK (ssn IN (SELECT ssn FROM living_citizens))
);
txn_id SERIAL PRIMARY KEY,
rationale TEXT NOT NULL CHECK(rationale != ''),
fraud_score INT DEFAULT 0,
CHECK (ssn IN (SELECT ssn FROM living_citizens))
);
🚨 50B
Dollars lost to missing WHERE clauses
💀 2.3M
Dead recipients (failed LEFT JOIN)
⌛ 365d
Avg time to create an INDEX